To make a change, you need to break a big job into lots of smaller ones. Take writers as an example. Their biggest obstacle is the thought that the book will take too long. They see the workload stretching out in front of them, with no end in sight. The laborious research, the hundreds […]

  WHAT IS SELF-SABOTAGE? Would you love you achieve much more in life? Are you somehow held back? Do you never quite get started? It may be due to self-sabotage. And you might not even recognise it. The brain sometimes offers us convenient reasons why we haven’t done something. It’s clever that way. Perhaps you’d […]

  You Don’t Need Luck, Just Pluck Some people think they’re dogged by bad luck, while others think they’re lucky. Truth is, neither is right. And here’s why. In an experiment done by Richard Wiseman in The Luck Factor, he discovered that people who considered themselves lucky hadn’t noticed the steps they’d taken to succeed. […]

We’re surrounded by false friends. They masquerade as merry mates. But all too often it’s a wily corporation or an organisation that wants something off you. The same even applies to some people. Hence, excluding your family and friends, much of what passes for fun has a cost attached to it. The brands know how […]

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    What is an Accountability Partner? And how useful are they? The Pros and Cons The one thing that makes a real difference to achieving change is having someone to hold you accountable. It could be a friend, your partner, or a coach. Once you tell someone you’re embarked on a project, you’re committed […]

Crises are different from voluntary change, because they’re imposed on you. They’re an enforced change, as we saw earlier. There’s a Yiddish saying: ‘The gods laugh while men make plans’. So while enforced change is never part of your plan, you have to deal with it when it  happens. Let’s see what you need to […]

Doubt is a big trap for those who want to create change. It comes from a lack of self confidence, and the feeling that we aren’t competent or experienced enough to make the change. We aren’t the sort of people who do this. We all know or have seen people who are more accomplished than […]

If I asked you whether you were biased, you’d immediately say ‘No!’. You might say you’re biased against racism or violence, but they don’t really count, do they? The fact is, we’re not fully aware of how our brains work. Our brains process 11 million bits of information every second. But we can consciously process only […]

When a wagon blocked a bridge during General Patton’s 1943 Sicily offensive, holding up his forces, Patton personally shot the animals and had them pushed off the bridge. Elsewhere in the war, Patton moved at lightning speed.  He had supreme confidence in himself, and masses of , more than most of us. But we can […]

Many of us think it’s bad to be competitive. In particular some women have been brought up to think competitiveness is aggressive. It’s certainly the opposite of being collaborative and supportive. It’s not what nice girls do. But competitiveness and collaboration can co-exist. And subordinating your competitive spirit can lock you out of success. My […]

My good fortune came from being rejected My biggest success arose from failure. I had a book on copywriting published, and was wondering what to do next. I noticed a writer’s magazine was selling courses, so I wrote and offered them a course on copywriting. I got a one-line reply saying they already had such […]

Do you get angry with your partner, your family or your boss? Anger wouldn’t be surprising, for all the reasons we discuss in this book. People know how to jerk your chain. Family members may do it because that’s what they’ve always done. And work has its stresses. But is your anger getting you anywhere? […]

As well as being busy little creatures, Ants are ‘Automatic Negative Thoughts’. They’re the self-defeating thoughts that pop into your head when an opportunity presents itself. Offered promotion? Better not take it. It’ll involve more work, say the Ants. Fancy someone? They’re out of my class, say the Ants. Stand up to the boss? It’ll […]

My dad got irritable if I said I couldn’t do something. He said ‘There’s no such word as ‘Can’t’. But we all have things we ‘can’t’ do. Here are some of mine: I can’t do DIY. It depresses me. I hate big DIY stores; the sight of tools and the thought of all that sawing […]

Some people think they’re dogged by bad luck, while others think they’re lucky. Truth is, neither is right. And here’s why. In an experiment done by Richard Wiseman in The Luck Factor, he discovered that people who considered themselves lucky hadn’t noticed the steps they’d taken to succeed. One woman talked about how she ‘just […]

  Do you try to keep everyone happy? Do you see yourself as the person who clears up after everyone? Being nice to others is lovely, but there’s a sting in the tail. What if they barely notice? What if they come to expect it? What if it’s not reciprocated? And it gets worse. Some […]

Are you a saviour, someone who wants to save people? We all need to care for those who need us. But you shouldn’t make sacrifices for someone who doesn’t deserve you or care for you. Children under the age of 16 definitely need a parental figure. But once they reach secondary school you become the […]

Have you ever been in a train, cafe or restaurant, where  someone is booming away in a loud voice? You can’t hear yourself think. This is the Voice of Entitlement. It’s loud, usually male, upper middle class, and unaware of others needs. Or more likely they don’t care about others. They see themselves as innately […]

Seamus is 35. He has a responsible job and a loving girlfriend. But he suffers from heightened anxiety that stops him from leading a normal life. It’s partly due to childhood abuse, partly from traumatic scenes he has witnessed as an adult, and partly from a health problem. He finds it hard to get up […]

Andrew is planning to build a house on a small plot near his home. It’s on a traditional street with old houses, and he wanted the new house to be respectful of what is already there. But when he got the architects’ plans, he found the design was for a modern property. When he asked […]

When it comes to making change, there are two types of people: the amateur and the pro. The professional shows up on time, and does the work. It may not be totally excellent, but the job gets done. It’s workmanlike. The amateur says they don’t feel in the mood today. They have an achy neck. […]

Miriam has been seeing a therapist for two years. Why? She isn’t depressed. She has a job most people would die for, and it isn’t overly demanding. Her boyfriend is a bit self interested, and she thinks she should dump him. She even has a plan to get a job in another, distant city, which […]

Most of us have stuff we don’t need. Possessions make us feel secure, but too many of them clutter our lives. This is where Agency comes into play. Work out what you have too much of, and you don’t use, and get rid of it. Like everything else in the Agency playbook, de-cluttering hurts. I […]

Marjorie, a senior manager, recently asked me how to insert photos into Gmail, and how to align images in Microsoft Word. Credit to her for asking, but it’s something she could have found the answers on Google if she’d asked. Without skills, you’ll be forever sitting on the sidelines while others make decisions for you. […]

Weirdly, this is one of the most powerful tools I use. Why? Because it makes every decision less challenging. I say to myself, ‘It doesn’t have to be forever. If it turns out to be the wrong decision, what will I do?’ I usually find there is a way back, or a different route to […]

Do you ever find that people are jabbering away, talking a load of lightweight nonsense? It happens in a pub, and when friends or relatives come round to your house. There are two kinds of people those who talk a lot, and those who listen. It’s sometimes called Transmit and Receive mode, from the days […]

Marlene runs a successful online business, selling baby items on eBay. But she never quite finishes anything, leaving behind a trail of incomplete projects, mostly relating to her website. “I’m an ideas person,” she says, “so when I need a new technique I like to try it out.” Recently she’s tried affiliate marketing, a mentoring […]

You must have watched a James Bond or Jason Bourne movie. Or maybe seen Brian Mills (Lim Neeson) in Taken. The heroes are focussed and alert. They have one objective, which makes them single minded, almost robotic. And we have to accept that to achieve their aims they are somewhat cold-blooded, a sociopath. And that […]

If you feel disheartened by an apparent lack of progress, try to recognise that you’re closer to your goal than you were. Here are some things you might have done: Worked actively on the project. Spoke to someone about the project, and got their feedback. Did some research Recognised where you needed information or help. […]

Sometimes I’m conscious of how small my income is, compared with the big time gurus and business people. I notice how small my world is. I see what little change I manage to create with my not-for-profit activities. And then I think about the ‘Starfish on the beach’ story? A man and his daughter were […]

  Terry runs a antique book business. Over time fewer people were visiting the shop, and sales started to decline. To cut costs, Terry made his assistant redundant. Then he reduced his opening hours. Then he closed the shop on Mondays. He asked the landlord for a rent reduction. But his costs still outweighed his […]

Are you easy-going? If so, you’re probably a nice person, and people will like you. But being relaxed has its downsides. If you’re looking for change, easy-going can be dangerous. Get too relaxed and you get lulled into acquiescence. It leads to you being left behind. You need to be aware of the need for […]

Some things are within your control, and others aren’t. Getting angry about the state of the world is a waste of time (even though I frequently have a rant about it!). So if you hate an ugly office block there isn’t much you can do about it. On the other hand, your behaviour and your […]

  Some of us made bad choices earlier in life, and we seem to be paying for it now. Dropping out of school or marrying the wrong person. Choosing the wrong career or getting stuck in a dead-end job. Taking on debt or having a house that’s in negative equity. Other bad choices are due […]

‘Begin with the end in mind’ was one of author Stephen Covey’s clever ideas. He first revealed it in his book, The 7 habits of highly effective people’, back in 1989 and has sold 25 million copies. When we come to work each morning, most of us start by looking at our email. It’s understandable. […]

When you’re feeling oppressed, go for a walk. A change of scene helps clear the mind. It frees and resets your brain. It gives you time to think. And clarity is what you need. Give your brain time, and it will tell you what you need to do. Walking among trees has been shown to […]

  There are two types of change: Escape From and Change to. Escape from. These are the things you want to escape from. In the image below, they’re the circles on the left. They’re what you want to escape from. They’re entirely negative. Change to. There are the things you want to achieve, the person […]

You still can’t decide? Maybe you don’t have enough information? Perhaps you need to know about costs or risks, about technology or the law? Is it time to call a friend? Work out what you need to know, and then find an expert. Legal: Find a a lawyer. Or go to a website that specialises […]

Maybe you can’t decide whether to take action or to hold back? To stay in your job or find another one? To set up a business or stay as an employee? Well that’s OK, because I have a solution. Make a two-column list of pros and cons, like the one below. Then see which seems […]

We’ve established there’s something you must do. There’s a challenge in your life. It needs solving. You probably know what it is. That’s why you bought this book. Write it down here: This is the major problem I have to fix       Not sure what the problem is? Let’s do the wheel of […]

I want us to define the What and the Why of the change you’re seeking The What and Why? is short for: ‘What do I need to change?’, and ‘Why do I need to do that?’ You need to be able to explain – to yourself and others – what you need to do and […]

Think of any change that’s happened in your life. You started at a new school. A new job. A new partnership. You moved to a new town. You broke up with someone. You became a parent, or maybe you buried a parent. Each of these events was challenging, but you learnt from it. You acquired […]

There are several types of change. Each one of them helps will you. Some types of change are the sort we look forward to with pleasure, such as going on holiday.  Other types fill us with anxiety, such as the need to pass our driving test. But they all have one thing in common – […]

  Self-doubt plays a part in stopping you having Agency. But it’s only part of the problem. The world about you is conspiring to hold you back. Your friends (yes), your parents, your children and your boss. It’s the TV channels, and the ever so cunning TV commercials. It’s the unfair ways society is structured. […]

I want to introduce you to your new magic word: ‘Agency’. Agency is ‘the ability to take responsibility for your own life.’ It’s your ability to take action. For anyone wanting to make a big change in their life, Agency is set to become an important word in your dictionary. Here’s a small example of […]

Let’s take a quick look at the big changes people want to make. They’ll help you zero in on your particular need. The issues range from the simple (keeping a goldfish) to the really dramatic. Let’s have a look. Change your job If you dread Monday morning, or have a boss who breathes down your […]

Dissatisfaction lurks inside every one of us. We feel there has to be something better out there. A better job, a nicer partner or a smarter place to live. Maybe you have a burning ambition to be a standup comedian, a rally driver or a teacher? Maybe you feel you’re wasted, doing what you do? […]