1.6 Active or Passive?

Think of any change that’s happened in your life.

You started at a new school. A new job. A new partnership. You moved to a new town. You broke up with someone. You became a parent, or maybe you buried a parent.

Each of these events was challenging, but you learnt from it. You acquired insights and got stronger. You were more ready to accept other challenges.

Change makes us more flexible, more versatile. There’s a saying: ‘What doesn’t kill you makes your stronger.’

So while you may be trying to avoid change, it IS good for you.

If you’re in difficulties, dealing with a problem, it can be hard to see what life on the other side will look like. And we often prefer the safety of what we know.

If you’re reluctant to make a change, is it because there’s something going on inside your brain? Perhaps you want to stay small? Maybe you want to be reliant on someone else?

Perhaps you prefer getting instructions from someone else, because it’s less tiring than having to take responsibility?

But it’s more likely that you’ve internalised the ‘little me’ feeling. Maybe the thought of change is overwhelming. Or perhaps you can’t see the way through. If so, that’s OK. This book is here to help.

When someone finishes one of my courses – or even before they start it –  they sometimes ask me ‘What course can I do after this one?’ That’s despite them signing up for a course that shows them specifically how to become a dog walker, a copywriter, or an interior designer.  

And I say to them, ‘You won’t need to do another course. This one tells you everything you need to know. So, go do what it says.’

But sometimes their mindset is stopping them from achieving success or change.   

If you do that, you’ll have to create a ‘bias for action’ mindset.  It’s the habit to taking action, and not being afraid to take decisions. It’s seeking a solution whenever you see a problem.

What I’m saying is, too many people read a self-help book, or listen to a podcast, and then don’t take action. I want you to be the exception.

‘Change’ versus ‘Being changed’

And there’s a saying, which is partly true: ‘People don’t mind change; but they don’t like being changed’. We’re happier with change that we instigate but we hate finding ourselves on the receiving end.

This saying reflects the fact that some change is external – it’s forced upon us, such as being made redundant, our partner deciding to leave, or the death of a loved one. But external change teaches us about life, it adds to our store of knowledge, and it makes us more flexible because we’ve had to adapt. 

So if your partner dumps you, or you get fired from your job, that’s hard to take. It’s difficult to see what the benefits might be. But people often find a new partner who’s more suited to them. Or they find a job that’s better than the previous one.

Dylan Thomas was right

He said, ‘Don’t go quietly into the night’. And ‘Rage against the dying of the light’. He meant, ‘Don’t stop living. Don’t give up’.

We should take that to heart. We shouldn’t accept life as we’re given it. It’s up to us to say ‘No’ when we need to.

He was talking about death. But it applies to all aspects of life. You don’t have to give in.

Do you want help with achieving change in your life? We have a coaching programme that could help you. Learn more.